How to Teach Children to Manage Anger: 11 Proven Strategies Every Parent Need

Helping kids learn how to control their anger can feel like a big task, but it’s a crucial part of raising emotionally healthy and well-rounded children. Anger is a normal emotion, but when kids don’t know how to manage it, things can spiral into outbursts or aggressive behavior.

The good news?

There are plenty of research-backed strategies that parents, caregivers, and teachers can use to teach kids how to handle their anger positively.

In this article, we’ll explore effective, science-based techniques to help children learn how to understand, manage, and channel their anger constructively.

Understanding Anger in Children

First things first, understanding the source of your child’s anger is key. Just like adults, kids experience intense anger—but their brains aren’t yet developed enough to fully process or express those big feelings. The result? A full-blown meltdown in the middle of the grocery aisle, complete with screaming and rolling around.

Why Do Kids Get Angry?

According to the American Psychological Association, our children aren’t plotting to make our lives difficult—though some days, it may feel like a masterfully coordinated effort. In reality, they have developmentally appropriate reasons for their big bursts of anger. So, to understand our children better, let’s explore some of their most common triggers—broken down by age.

0 – 18 Months

This is, by far, the easiest age to pinpoint the root cause of your child’s anger. Babies typically get upset when they’re hungry, tired, or startled by loud noises. The good news? It’s usually simple to spot the trigger and soothe their frustration.

18 – 36 Months

This is where things get more complicated. Every child is unique, and temperament plays a big role in how they express anger—but for most toddlers, tantrums are the go-to outlet. Why? Here are some common reasons:

• Toddlers see themselves as the center of the universe, so frustration takes over when things don’t go their way.
• They have a strong sense of ownership but haven’t yet grasped the concept of sharing. Losing something or being asked to share can feel wildly unfair.
• As they develop language skills, they struggle to communicate their big feelings, leading to even more frustration when others don’t understand them.
• On top of all that, they’re experiencing emotions for the very first time—big, confusing, overwhelming ones. Imagine suddenly feeling intense rage without knowing what it is or how to handle it. Wouldn’t you lose it, too?

3 – 5 Years

At this stage, children are still learning that others may think differently than they do. When someone doesn’t share their thoughts or wants, it can feel confusing and unfair—leading to frustration and bursts of anger.

Sharing is another tricky skill they’re working on, but it doesn’t come easily just yet, often sparking conflicts and hurt feelings.

Even though they may chatter non-stop, big emotions like anger can be overwhelming. When that happens, they struggle to find the words to explain what’s going on—adding even more frustration to the mix.

And while they might recognize they’re feeling angry, their young brains aren’t fully developed enough to manage those feelings on their own, which is why they need extra support to calm down.

Most children show their anger with aggression or tantrums.

6 – 8 years

Children of this age can feel angry when something seems unfair—like being rejected, punished, misunderstood, or treated differently from others.

They often express that anger by lashing out—hurting or pushing others, or using unkind words to cause hurt.

Why Teaching Anger Management Early Matters

How many times have we lost our cool with our kids after a tough day at work? Too many, right? The truth is, many adults still struggle to manage their anger—and a lot of it traces back to childhood. Anger was often treated as a “bad” emotion we were told to hide, or worse, dismissed entirely when adults around us either laughed at or got annoyed by our outbursts. This left many of us feeling like anger didn’t matter, leading to less-than-ideal ways of expressing it as grown-ups.

That’s why it’s so important to teach kids to handle their anger early on. When children learn to regulate their emotions, it not only helps them navigate conflicts with friends and family but also boosts their success in school and nurtures their emotional intelligence (EQ). Understanding and managing emotions is a life skill they’ll carry into relationships, the workplace, and every stressful moment along the way.

Effective, Research-Based Strategies for Managing Anger in Kids

Now, let’s dive into the practical, research-backed strategies you can use to help children healthily manage their anger.

1. Fill Up the Anger Iceberg Worksheet

Think of the Anger Iceberg Worksheet as your emotional map. It’s designed to help you and your child explore what’s visible (the anger) and what’s hidden beneath the surface (the real emotions driving it).

Download your free printable Anger Iceberg sheet here.

Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to fill it out together:

Start with the tip of the iceberg – “When I felt anger, I ________.”

• Ask your child (or yourself): What happened when you felt angry?
• Encourage honesty here! Maybe they yelled, stomped away, slammed a door, or cried. Write that down in the blank.
• The goal here is not judgment but reflection – this is just the start of understanding.

Example: When I felt anger, I yelled at my brother and slammed my toy on the ground.

Dive below the surface – “What was really bubbling beneath? ______.”

This is where you look for the hidden feelings behind the anger. Start by asking questions like:

• What else were you feeling at that moment?
• Were you sad, scared, embarrassed, or overwhelmed?
• Did anything happen earlier in the day that made you feel this way?

• For younger kids, you can name a few emotions and let them choose which option resonates with them. For older kids, you can help them connect the dots between the event and the emotions.

Example: What was really bubbling beneath? I felt left out because my brother wouldn’t play with me, and I felt embarrassed because Mom said I was being too loud.

Reflect and connect.

• Once you’ve filled it out, take a moment to discuss the emotions that came up.
• Talk about how anger is often a protective shield – it shows up when other, softer emotions feel too vulnerable.
• Use this time to validate their feelings: “It’s okay to feel angry, sad, or embarrassed. All feelings are important, but we can work on expressing them in ways that don’t hurt ourselves or others.”

Optional: Add color and creativity.

• If your child enjoys art, let them color in the iceberg. They could use red for the anger on top and different colors for each emotion bubbling beneath. This makes the activity fun and visually powerful.

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Techniques for Kids

If we analyze what we’ve mentioned in understanding anger in Children, it’s quite clear that for all ages the misalignment of expectations leads to anger – this is the case for adult anger as well.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a powerful tool that has been proven to help kids change how they think about and respond to anger. CBT teaches kids how to identify their triggers—things that set off their anger—and how to challenge those negative thoughts that make the situation worse.

Here’s a seven-step model that you can teach your kid to deal with their anger. This model was developed by Psychologist Norman Cotterell, PhD.

Preparation: Understanding Anger Together

Before jumping into strategies, it’s essential to set the stage:

1. Create a Safe Space for Discussion – Let your child know that anger is a normal emotion and that you’re there to help them navigate it.
2. Model Emotional Regulation – Show them how you manage frustration in your daily life. Kids learn by watching!
3. Introduce the Concept of Expectations vs. Reality – Explain that anger often arises when things don’t go as expected.
4. Encourage Open Communication – Let your child express their frustrations without fear of punishment or dismissal.

7 Steps to Help Your Child Deal with Anger

1. Identify Expectations – Help your child recognize what they hoped would happen in a situation. This could be something like, “I expected my friend to share their toy.”
2. Recognize the Gap – Teach them to notice when reality doesn’t match their expectations. For example, “My friend didn’t share, and that made me upset.”
3. Acknowledge the Invitation to Anger – Explain that frustration is like an invitation to anger, but they have the power to accept or decline it.
4. Evaluate the Consequences – Guide them in thinking about what might happen if they react with anger versus responding differently. “If I yell, my friend might not want to play with me anymore.”
5. Consider Alternative Responses – Brainstorm other ways they can handle the situation. Could they ask again nicely? Take a deep breath? Walk away?
6. Practice New Behaviors – Role-play different situations so they get comfortable using alternative responses in real life.
7. Reflect on Progress – Talk about how they handled a recent situation. Praise their efforts and brainstorm what they can do differently next time.

This approach helps your child understand their emotions, make better choices, and build strong emotional regulation skills!

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Mindfulness is all about staying present and aware of your emotions without letting them take over. For kids, mindfulness practices are great tools for calming down when they feel angry.

Deep Breathing

One of the simplest and most effective techniques is deep breathing. Teach children to take slow, deep breaths when they start to feel angry. This helps activate their body’s natural calming system, reducing the physical symptoms of anger like a racing heart or tense muscles.

For a fun and engaging way to practice this, check out the Angry Dragon Kids Meditation. This guided meditation turns anger into a friendly dragon that children can learn to tame with their breath. It makes deep breathing feel like an adventure, helping kids visualize and release their anger in a way that’s easy to understand and enjoyable.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is another technique that works wonders for helping kids relax. It involves tensing and then releasing different muscle groups to help them let go of physical tension that builds up when they’re mad. Kids can do this anywhere, like at school or home, to help calm themselves down.

Here’s an excellent video by therapYi‘s YouTube channel.

Just switch it on and let your kid practice this theory. The more they practice, the more control they’ll have over their anger.

4. Teaching Emotional Vocabulary

One reason kids get so angry is that they don’t have the words to explain how they feel. By teaching them emotional vocabulary, we give them the tools to express themselves without needing to resort to shouting or hitting.

Here’s our article on a feelings chart for kids that also has a free printout that will help your child build the emotional vocabulary they need to express their emotions.

5. Calm-Down Corners

Time-outs get a bad reputation sometimes, but when used positively, they can be a great tool for anger management. The key is to make sure time-outs are not seen as punishments but as a chance to calm down and reflect.

A positive time-out gives kids the space to cool off without feeling ashamed. You can create a “calm-down corner” with soft pillows, sensory toys, or soothing books where they can go to relax. The idea is for the child to take a break from the situation, calm down, and then come back when they’re ready to talk things through.

6. Using Positive Reinforcement to Encourage Self-Control

Positive reinforcement means rewarding children for good behavior, which can be especially effective for anger management.

Reward Systems

You can create a reward system where kids earn points, stickers, or small rewards for using their anger management tools, like taking deep breaths or walking away from a frustrating situation. Over time, this encourages them to use these strategies more often.

Praise Good Behavior

Don’t forget the power of praise! When your child handles a tough situation well, make sure to point it out. Saying something like, “I’m really proud of how you stayed calm when your sister took your toy,” can go a long way in reinforcing positive behavior.

7. Role-Playing and Social Stories for Conflict Resolution

Kids often learn best through play. Role-playing gives them the chance to practice handling anger in a safe, controlled environment.

Role-Playing Scenarios

You can act out common situations that make your child angry and help them practice better responses. For example, if they get mad when a friend doesn’t share, you can role-play a situation where they ask for a turn instead of getting upset.

Social Stories

Social stories are another great tool. These short, simple stories walk kids through different scenarios and show them how to handle difficult emotions like anger. By seeing examples of how other kids handle similar situations, your child can learn more appropriate ways to respond when they feel frustrated.

8. Developing Problem-Solving Skills

Kids often get angry when they feel stuck in a situation. Teaching problem-solving skills helps them find solutions to frustrating situations, reducing their anger.

Helping Kids Handle Frustration

Show children how to break down a problem and find solutions. If they’re mad because they can’t build their LEGO set, for instance, help them figure out what part is difficult and brainstorm ways to solve it.

Encouraging Independence

Let your child take the lead in coming up with solutions. The more involved they are in solving their own problems, the more empowered they’ll feel, which can reduce feelings of helplessness and anger.

9. Parent-Child Communication Is Key

How you communicate with your child during moments of anger makes a huge difference in how they learn to manage their own emotions.

Active Listening

When your child is upset, show them that you’re listening. Get down to their level, maintain eye contact, and acknowledge their feelings. You don’t have to agree with their behavior, but letting them know you hear them can diffuse anger and open up a dialogue for problem-solving.

Modeling Calm Behavior

Children learn by example. If they see you staying calm during stressful moments, they’re more likely to follow your lead. Make sure you model the behavior you want to see in them.

10. Physical Activity to Release Anger

Sometimes, kids just need a way to physically release their anger. Exercise and movement are fantastic ways to help kids blow off steam.

Structured Physical Activity

Whether it’s playing a sport, going for a run, or doing yoga, physical activity helps kids release pent-up energy and reduces aggressive behavior. It also improves mood by releasing endorphins, the body’s natural “feel-good” chemicals.

Movement Breaks

Encourage kids to take regular movement breaks, especially if they’re starting to feel frustrated. Even a quick walk or some jumping jacks can make a big difference in how they handle their emotions.

11. Art and Creative Expression

Creative activities like drawing, painting, or journaling give kids a non-verbal way to express their feelings.

Using Art to Express Emotions

Ask your child to draw how they’re feeling when they’re mad. Art gives them a safe outlet to express difficult emotions and can help calm them down in the process.

Creative Problem-Solving

Creative expression can also help kids find new solutions to problems that frustrate them. Encourage them to draw different ways they could respond to situations that make them mad, which helps develop their problem-solving skills.

Conclusion: Raising Emotionally Resilient Kids

Teaching kids how to control their anger is an ongoing process, but it’s one of the most important things we can do as parents and caregivers. With patience, consistency, and the right tools, we can help our children learn to manage their emotions and handle life’s challenges with resilience and confidence. By implementing these research-based strategies, we’re giving our kids the skills they need for a lifetime of emotional well-being.